Was I Not

Was I just not worth the little bit of effort?
Was I just not worth the attention? 
The intentionality? 
Was I just not worth that little temptation that weekend? 
Was I not worth waiting for? 
Fighting for? 
Losing your dignity for? 
Cus I lost my worth and dignity in you. And you walked away without a fight. 
Was I not worth the extra effort of laying yourself down to come clean and apologize and make up for what you’ve done? 
How could you. 
Was I not attractive enough for you? 
Not good enough or beautiful or sexy or artistically gifted enough for you like your ex was?
Was I not enticing enough that you would run back to your former lover and hate me with your betrayal?
And take away my worth as a girl. As a friend. As a lover. 
How could you!
How could you? 
What was so wrong with me you chose her over me? In your heart and mind multiple times. In your pants just once.

I was loyal. You were not. I was hurt. You were not. 
After all the things we went through. The love we vowed and experienced.
You gave it up when things got rough. And you never apologized. For ruining something so good and horrible. For losing me. You never apologized for what you did. You couldn’t even talk to me. How could you just drop me like that with no fight, no effort, no energy, no public or private attempt from friends, nothing. You showed me I wasn’t worth your time and it meant nothing to you all those years and trials and intimacy. 
You made my heart rot after you kicked it around with your lies and your infidelity. Your adultery.
How could you. 
You were my first love. 
And I will never forget what we had and lost. 


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